Remember that play my girlfriend and I were going to when we stopped for a drink and met the observant Australian? If not that’s ok. You can go back and pick up that story if you want to.
So we get to the Cocoa Village Play House, a moderate theater that is one of the only places in the area to see a live performance, and walk down to take out seats. The theater is filling up with a variety of people ranging from teenagers in shorts or jeans to ladies in evening gowns escorted by gentlemen in expensive suits. This is not unusual here. Florida is very casual and people will wear shorts and sandals at even the finest restaurants. This has nothing to do with the story, I just like having opportunities to paint pictures of my home and local culture, but I digress.
Theresa, my girlfriend sat on my left and there were two empty seats on my right. “With a little luck”, I thought to myself “those seats were not sold and I can spread out a little”… Unfortunately, luck is not something that smiles on me very often.
The lights dim, the curtain goes up and the play begins. Suddenly I have some woman’s large derrière pressing against my cheek as she tried to squeeze it into that empty seat on my right. This wasn’t just a simple “take the seat” maneuver but rather a scientific undertaking that reminded me of the Discovery Channel series “Mega Movers”. Before you get all mad at me and start flaming, it wasn’t really her size, it was that she was just awkward and seemed confused or something. That and she somehow got past the “carry on” size limit with her bag which she was struggling with. She finally settled in with a few shifting maneuvers, a grunt or two and the positioning of her luggage at her feet… and mine.
And then it hit me… A solid wall of cheap, and I mean CHEAP perfume overtook me like a WWI Mustard Gas attack.
I hadn’t smelled anything this bad since my 8th grade graduation dance. This was some kind of maniacal concoction of wood alcohol, Moth balls, Lemon Pledge, plastic flowers, Zyklon-B, and dead Chipmunks. If this stuff is flammable, and I am sure that it is, then I would suggest running your car on it, because after all, who can beat it at a dollar a gallon? I am also sure the spray nozzle is conveniently shaped like a gas pump, or at least you would think so because NO ONE wears THAT much perfume on PURPOSE!
I took my Playbill and attempted to fan some oxygen into my lungs from my left side but to no avail. “Must… breathe” I gasped as the theater walls closed in on me and my world became blurry. Not only did my breathing become labored, but my eyes watered up too making it almost impossible to see the play.
Soon tears were streaming down my cheeks as the play went on. I almost forgot to mention, it was a musical. Yes, here I was, crying my eyes out and choking for air as the song continued, “I was deprived of a young girl's dream, by the cruel force of nature from the blue. Instead of a night full of romance supreme…”
Now I don’t know about you, but if I saw a grown man crying to the play “Grease” I would really have to wonder!
Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Asta | October 28, 2008 at 12:13 AM