More Long Walks in Hell - Part 1

During my online dating travels I came across just too many weirdities to mention in my first post. In fact, I could make an entire blog on just this subject since it's an endless source of entertainment. It's like EBay for People!

I take these juicy tidbits from Yahoo Personals and condense them for your (and my) entertainment.

It can be true that “a picture tells a thousand words”. Let’s take “Teal” for instance. Teal (that’s what she says her name is) starts out her headline with “NO LOSERS!!!!!” just as I wrote here, all caps and 5 exclamation points. In her “standard information” about herself (which is filled out with drop down box choices) she is “Separated”, that’s separated, not divorced or single. Has “Blonde” hair, even though her black roots are clearly visible in her pictures. She lives “With Parents” (Teal states her age as 29), and she’s a “High School” grad.

Teal’s employment status is listed as “I’ll tell you later”, which is the standard response when an answer is not picked. Her occupation and income also have the same response (yes, they have a drop down box for income for the terminally shallow). From this we can surmise that Teal is unemployed and broke.

However, in Teal’s list of what she WANTS in a man she is looking for a guy who is “Single” or “Divorced” (but NOT separated) with “No Kids”, is a “Post Graduate”, is employed “Full Time” and makes an income of at least “$75,000 - $99,999 or up." All of which begs the question, who is the “LOSER!!!!!” by comparison here?

It is also worth noting that “Teal” has a picture of herself wearing one of those large metal personalized belt buckles with a name on it. The name on her buckle is “Amber”, which leads me to the further conclusion that Teal/Amber/Loser is also a complete moron!

Comments

[Heather]

I love the line, "It's like Ebay for people!"

I have to admit that in my younger, more naive, more idealistic days (before the internet when personals appeared in the back of magazibnes) something aout the idea appealed to me; it seemed that people could be as honest and rational about finding the right mate as they are about finding the right car or the right used refrigerator.

Unfortunately, my experience after 25-30 years has ben pretty much the same as what you describe here, only I don't have your sense of humour about the whole thing and I cringe behind the stigma and shame of having tried it out, only to find that it is, indeed, like eBay for people.