Third Offence

All the World's a Stage

Life is a movie in which we all play a role. Unfortunately my best scenes end up on the cutting room floor.

Continuing Education

Grade School:

You are on a train travelling South at 60 miles an hour.

Your friend is on a train travelling North at 40 miles per hour

You are both 180 miles from each other.

 

How long will it take before your two trains meet?

 

High School:

You are on a train travelling South at 60 miles an hour.

Your friend is on a train travelling North at 40 miles per hour

You are both 180 miles from each other.

 

How many angels fit on the head of a pin?

 

College:

You are on a train travelling South at 60 miles an hour.

Your friend is on a train travelling North at 40 miles per hour

You are both 180 miles from each other.

 

How many companies can you sue for liability after your client is startled by the other passing train?

 

Retirement:

 

You are at a bus stop.

 

How long before the train arrives?

They're Playing my Song

Every now and then a classic ‘80s tune will come on the radio and I will be filled with a sense of nostalgia.

 

When my kids get to be my age they too will hear something that gives them the same feeling. However for them, it will be when they pass a construction site or disaster area.

Depressing Lawn Care

I wish my lawn was Emo so it would cut itself.

They're Selling as Fast as...

Since when was the Hotcake a fast seller?

Deep Thoughts

I often ponder why my little finger fits exactly into my nostrils.

What a long, strange trip indeed

I have come to the conclusion that the “real” me exists on the next level up; and I am in a hospital or laboratory somewhere, trying to come down from this incredible trip.