Before I met my current girlfriend, I had a few dating experiences from the infamous Yahoo Personals. There are a million stories in Yahoo Personals; this is just one of them.
I responded to one of these ads to a nice looking woman in her early forties. She had an average job, was the mother of one grown daughter who was now in college, had most of the same likes and interests as me and as it turned out, a great sense of humor. We corresponded through email and chat for several weeks, getting to know each other and becoming comfortable enough to meet.
We finally met one night for dinner and a pleasant one it was. After coffee I asked her “what would you like to do now?” She suggested we go to Cocoa Village to a place that had live music. That sounded good to me so off we went, each in our own cars.
The place was packed solid and LOUD. Not my usual style but the energy was good and everyone was having a blast. The band wasn’t half bad either. We finally get a small piece of bar to sit at and order our drinks. I had a Heineken; she got some kind of mixed popper/shooter something or other, the kind of drink they force down the throats of Spring Breaker’s down in Cancun Mexico. I had about two sips of my beer and noticed that her drink was gone. “Wow, must have been thirsty?” I thought, and politely ordered her another one.
After a few minutes it became obvious that she frequents this place because she seemed to know everyone. “Hi Mike” she shouts across the room. “Yo Ethan” she shouts in another direction. “I’ll be right back, I see someone I know” she said as she shot across the floor and jumped on another guys back. This went on for a little while until she came back with another drink in hand, this one a different color. “Let’s dance”, “Wanna dance?”, “Let’s dance!” she said in a fevered pitch that matched her soaring energy level. “Well, she sure has a lot of energy” I thought to myself as we made or way to the dance floor.
So there we were dancing… I mean there I was dancing, she disappeared behind some others on the crowded dance floor. Then I saw her, she was dancing with another guy. I’m not the jealous type so it wasn’t the dancing at issue here, but she was GRINDING, with this guy, then another guy, then two guys at the same time. She looked like the cream filling in an Oreo cookie.
Well, I had enough dancing alone so I went back to our (my) corner and sipped my beer again. After about ten minutes she was back, but by now she was barely aware of my presence. “Woo-Hooo!” she shouted out as the band finished a song. “Wooooo-Hooooo!” she wailed again as she started to climb onto a bar stool. “WOOOOOOO_HOOOOOOOO!!!” she screamed as she lifted her shirt to reveal her braless chest to the crowd of cheering men and women.
“woo-hoo” I thought, as I paid my tab and headed for the door. A slurry female voice behind me shouted “Heyyyyyyyhh, where ya go-win?”… “Back to the Surface World... Wooo-Hooo!” I shouted over the crowd.
I never did hear from her again, maybe she’s still swimming in that lake of fire in the ninth circle of Hell.
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